Four minutes until I can fart!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
