my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
