You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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