I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
