He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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