i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
