Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize