I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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