I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
