We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
