help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
