I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
