just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
