Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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