Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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