I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
