My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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