After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
