I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
