We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
