oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
