Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
