Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
