he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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