what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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