i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
