i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
