I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
