I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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