Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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