Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize