remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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