They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
