There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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