I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
