Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
