We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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