Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I am morally bankrupt
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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