Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
