I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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