if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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