The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
