meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Did I show you my penis last night?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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