We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
