she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
