i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
