It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
