Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
