Do you still have your period?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
