Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
