sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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