when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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