Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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