I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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