Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what day is it and did you see me today?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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