New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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