He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
