You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
