i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
