I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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