i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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