So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize