this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just want nice things and good sex
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
