Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
