To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
