Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Umm I'm too high to move.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
