Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
