If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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