Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
