Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
