I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
