He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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