He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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