my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
