is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
