Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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