meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
