Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
