yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
