Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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