i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
