you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
