Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
