Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
