when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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